Uncouth PerspectivesNot on the rug, man.

The title of this rant came from a tax form.

You tell me?

It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating consumerism.. er.. I mean, the birth of Jesus, and now we’re celebrating his resurrection!

I really hate holidays. I hate days we “set aside” to celebrate something or to do something special. I think I touched on this in my April fools rant. Things are special ALL the time. My birthday is not special, it’s my entire life that is special. If I believed in the resurrection of Jesus, every day would be a celebration of that fact. I find no need to call special attention to any day or to get set into obscene rituals and traditions. If I want to celebrate something more than normal, I will do it when I feel like it, not because it is dictated.

And Easter is hell, really. I notice that a couple days before and a couple days after Easter too many people feel they have the right to be complete assholes and do whatever they want. You want to know why? They have a “get out of jail free” card. Oh, I’ve got eternal life. Oh, I’m saved by Jesus. Now give me the damn (insert any item you want here) NOW.

I’m not saying this is everyone. If this is NOT you (as a Christian), then I applaud you. Because it is definitely the majority. And if you don’t see it, start looking around at people. It’s a sad, sad fact. People get so haughty into their beliefs not realizing that they are actual practicing something very, very beautiful (individualism and self-oriented focus) but without the accountability and the self worth. I’m special! I’m going to get eternal life. I am all so important because I worship an everloving God that damned me into sin and then gave up his Son (which, uhm, he didn’t really “give up” since life is not about here in the physical?) to save me from that very same sin… so sod off, because I’m special.

For the love of everything beautiful, if you are going to embrace a religion, embrace it! Do not treat it like a buffet, where you can pick and choose what you like and don’t! And if you find something you don’t like, then follow your own heart. Do not declare yourself by a path or by a standard. Just live to be happy, live to be yourself, and remember that each and everyone one of us is special and deserves the same rights to be happy…

I happen to agree with a lot of it, but the more and more I look at what I hear, it mainly looks just like another bromite to be chanted along with the rest. People can see the desensitized lives they are living, but either do not care or do not really know how to live for real.

There is also a lot of talking about video games and how they are negative and bad and all of this. Most of these arguments I disagree with (call me biased, I enjoy video games when I have a moment of time…).

Today, I was over at friend’s house. It was myself, her, her roommate, and her son (6 years old). We were playing around and the roommate brought out one of those metal wristbands that auto-rolls when slapped (I hope you know what I’m talking about, because they are not really around anymore…). Anyways, we were trying to teach her son how to slap it on to the roommates wrist. He picked up pretty fast. However, he said “this is my last time” and then when he tried, the band bounced off her wrist and flew to the ground in a ball. He picked it up and said,

“I have another try, because I did not get it.”

And that really struck me. That WAS his last try. But, the mentality that he has formed is “If I did not get it, I get to go again.” This could actually go either way as being positive or negative. If it reinforces doing things right and trying until you do, then great!

However, I see a lot of room for disappointment. There are going to be a lot of times when if you lose, you do not get another chance. You do not simply hit “Retry” and play the level over. And this can cause some serious problems, especially in the realm of self worth. If you have trained yourself that whenever you fail, you can try again, when you do not get the chance, it can be nothing but a crushing blow. Also, if you have an unlimited number of chances, why try as hard? You are bound to get it right… eventually.

The reason I brought up video games is because one of the sources of this mentality (I thought back to when I saw him playing this snowboarding game and he just replayed the same level over and over) is video games. People attribute a lot of problems to the games. Yeah, video games can definitely be a conditioning tool. However, it is the mind of the child that is conditioned and a child is given a good understanding of how things work, they will not be negatively conditioned by the game. One child can turn this tool into a strength while another will waste it.
There is a lesson to be learned in everything, if you will allow yourself to learn it.

“If I gave you the highest score, I couldn’t teach you that much…”

“You won’t get all high scores on this review, because if I did that, you would have nothing to work for–no growth.”

These are some quotes of things people have said to me. And some quotes of things I do not agree with.

There is a misconception about work, school, and involved goal setting. That you have to make it hard. That if you do something “the best,” you do not have anything to work for. This is not true.

When giving reviews, the manager will not score their employee as high as they should get, because the thought is that if the employee scores everything well, they will have nothing to grow towards, nothing to aim for.

Teachers will grade harder at first, and expect more, so that as a semester continues the student can really “push themselves.”

Parents will get insane expectations for their children, to always push and criticize them, because they want to keep up the pace.

I guess that shows you were ignorance gets you.

Now, I am not saying that we do not need to push ourselves and people. I am not saying that we do not need goals and things to work towards. What I am saying is that we should always be living in reality. If I have an employee who is just awesome and deserves a review that is outstanding, I will give them that. I am not going to put them down because they are good. If they are good, let’s celebrate that experience! Personally, I would always want a review that says outstanding. And, at what point does it stop? I mean, if you have a long time employee who is always growing and improving, how much and for how long do you hold them down? People do not learn by being lied to, which is what this really is. Tell people the truth. If they are doing an awesome job, tell them so. In fact, have them train every person they can in that area, and they will grow even more from it. The more you teach, the more you learn.

And this is the same for anyone in any situation like this. Students are there to learn, not to be herded. Children need to be given the straight facts. If people are told that they are outstanding, it will not hinder their ability to grow. Because, if they do not grow, they start to slip. And when they slip, then they can be shown.

That is where part of the faulty thinking is. When someone becomes responsible for someone else (manager, teacher, parent, etc), it is a constant job. You have to always be giving feedback. When something is done well, say so. When something is done poorly, say so. It’s as simple as that–talk, and they will listen. Listen yourself, and they will grow and support you. Teach, Learn, Live. That’s all I ask.

Well, okay, I have a lot of problems.

But, I would like to highlight one thing that bothers me today. I have this little pamphlet sitting in front of me that is titled “How to Use a Condom.” I’d like to read you some of the directions.

If you use condoms the right way, they will work better.

You know–thanks. I would have never gotten that.

Put the condom on before your penis goes into your partner’s body.

THAT’S what I’ve been doing wrong?!

Okay, haha, so what is the point? The point is this: Why has our wisdom and common sense as a culture dropped so much that ON THE DIRECTIONS to something, it basically starts with “read the directions.” There are some things I think the user of a product should be accountable for. Yes, the manufacturer should have instructions. Yes, they should be detailed. They should not have to be written, however, with these idiotic observations. Let us stop and think for once and maybe we would not be wasting our time and money with unnecessary directions. We have these because people do not think, they get hurt, and then they sue (because they just CANNOT be wrong… and hey, why not get a quick buck, too?)… and we all pay for it. We are slowly but surely walking down a spiraled path into an intellectual nothing.

And, hey, the coffee’s hot, so don’t pour it in your lap.

Still don’t believe me? Here are some more that I received in an email. I can’t credit this, so if someone knows who to credit it to, please let me know.

On Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.”
On a bag of Fritos: “You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.”
On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestions: Defrost.”
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): “Do not turn upside down.”
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.”
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.”
On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.”
On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: Contains nuts.”
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.”
On a child’s Superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”

No I swear! And they just called him and want him back. No I swear!

Oh, and he was in Whitesnake too. He just wrote them a letter.

Some people will do anything for validation.

And, you know, that is what it is all really about. We are in a time when people feel the need to lie to others and themselves just to find some outlet to get approval from others. It is sad to think that it is no longer okay to just be yourself. I am not diagnosing this guy, but I would put money on whatever was going on in his mind had something to do with validation.

I know I have said all of this before, but it continually astounds me. This guy really felt the need to go on and on about how fantastic he was because of who (mm.. yeah.. right) he was.

Stop lying to yourself. You will not be able to be happy or really survive until you understand that your are important! You are a good person. We all make mistakes. But, we are all growing and learning. Do not let society, culture, your beliefs, whatever it is, hold you down! Live, learn, and love. Follow your hearts passion and the people who share your dreams will follow. If you lie to yourself, you are only going to find people who lie back.

“If you had a new employee come in and do a job better than you could have imagined, even better than you, what would you do?”

To some, this may not seem like that deep of a question, but it really is. The answer says a lot about how you deal with people and with your self worth. I can appreciate people for what they have to offer. I have strengths and weaknesses, just as they do. If someone can do something better than me, GREAT! If they are on a team with me, even better. Now, if this is something I love and I want to be doing, I can learn from this person and grow myself. We are always teaching and learning.

However, not everyone sees this as I do. There are those who will hold others down because of their abilities. This does not sit well with me. I do not want to be held down or back because someone who is in a position of power over me (and, however much you try to avoid it, there will always be someone with some sort power over you) holds me back because they are jealous or intimidated. I hate to see this happen to other people.

We can learn and grow together. To learn, it helps to have someone there. And you will be learning until the day you die. We will be growing together, if we allow it. Do not look down or stop someone because they are fantastic at something. Let them grow and share it.

And, just remember, there is something that you are better at that you can share.

This girl calls and says that she is a little embarrassed about calling. Dr. Drew and Adam kind of chuckle at this, basically ignoring the fact that she IS trying to tell them that she is nervous. She tells them that she watches a lot of porn. Dr. Drew makes some lame joke about being just the girl Adam needs and Adam get’s all offended. Oh wait, there’s a caller. So they ask her how often does she watch it. Three or four times a week. They ask her how long does she watch it when she does. She responds with

I think one of the social interactions I find most interesting is people who are together (friends, relationships, etc) and who do not want to express it through their physical actions. An example of this is when two friends go to a movie theater and sit a seat apart from each other. They find it socially unacceptable to sit next to each other. How has it become wrong for two people who are friends to not be close to each other? Personally, I am very physical with people who I consider friends. I hug them, I rub their shoulders, I sit next to them, I lay on them, and whatnot, and I will do this in public.

We have beliefs and values and we attract people who share them. A by product of this is the physical interactions. And these will come, with some normal uncomfortabilities, naturally. When it is truly time to give your friend/partner/etc a hug, you will know. When it is time to hold hands (even with just friends!), you will know.
On the verse side, I never do a physical action that is meaningless. I do not hug people who I do not care about. I love physical contact, but every contact I have means something.

This is not a right to throw your physical expression in the faces of others, but I see no reason why people should not be able to express their feelings for each other. If two guys want to sit next to each other, go for it! I have had so many of my friends in my lap in public places, I cannot count the number any more.

Physical contact is an important aspect of our mental relationships, and I have and will say time and time again, do not repress what is natural. Society has held down what is natural for too long and it’s time to learn that it is okay to sit close to someone you care about.

Practical jokes do this. They cause a laugh at someone else’s expense.

Yeah, the holiday is about having fun. Yeah, it’s about letting go of inhibitions and doing something daring…

My question, however, is this:

Why can we not have fun all the time?

You have power in your life. You can make choices. You can make things good or bad, whatever the circumstances. It’s about how you let it affect you.

I don’t want just one day to be free of my inhibitions and to be able to have a good laugh and have fun, I want an entire life time for that. Maybe even more.