The assignment was to change the world in two hours. After we did this, we got back together and talked about it as a group. The results were fairly interesting. Everything from putting balloons with 1984-esque sayings (“Big Brother is watching you.” “Look behind you!” etc.) to two people setting up the beginning of a conflict-management program for kids in grades 6-8 through an Improv class forum.
In our discussions, something became very obvious. The majority of the groups (or pairs, rather) did things “for other people.” They did “selfless” random acts of niceness. One pair went into a super market and just said “Hi” to people. Another pair handed out flowers.
I am not saying these are not nice things to do, nor am I saying not to do them. My problem is the altruistic (selfless) view of the acts. I’m going to try to best recount one of the conversations about it:
Pair: “It was great to see these people smile–that we showed that someone cared.”
Teacher: “Yeah, it is really amazing to see people smile.”
Pair: “Some of these people literally beamed. To think of how great it was to be nice and not be thinking of the self. It was amazing and felt wonderful.”
I’ve got two big problems with this conversation. First, any random act of kindness does not show you care. Or rather, it does not show you care about that person. You do not know them, you do not know who they are, if THEY are a good person, etc. It shows that you feel a deep kinship with humanity and perhaps have a little bit of self worth and want to show other people that they are okay for just living. Humanity, at best, forgets how great living is and, at worst, damns it. And that is sad. But, going up and giving a stranger a flower with a smile does not show you care about them, it shows you care about humanity. And, what is being said in this conversation is, “People like to know about care about them.” I think if people let themselves open up a little more, and perhaps really look at what is going on, they will see that people do care about them.
Also, how can you call it a selfless act and follow it with “it felt great.” You got something out of it! This assumption that if an act is self-centered it is bad is ridiculous! It feels great to make someone smile! I love to make people smile! Does that make me a bad person? No. Do I do it just to see the person smile. You bet. The smile makes me feel good. To see someone happy, and to know that I had a part in it, is wonderful! To call it altruistic is to damn it–to cheapen the experience. And, anyone who says a similar statement, is also cheapening themselves. There is a difference in doing something to look good (“Oh, look at what a nice person I am, I’m so loving and caring!”) and to do something to make someone happy. I do things to make people happy because it makes me happy. I do not do something to just make myself “look better,” I’m going to do doing something to actually make me better. It is all about happiness–except happiness for ALL of us.