Uncouth PerspectivesNot on the rug, man.

We, as people, humans, friends, lovers, enemies, conceptual beings, are killing ourselves above and beyond anything else by our inability to stop… and listen.

And I am not talking about hearing. Hearing and listening are two different things. Listening is active, participatory.. and volitional. You have to want to do it.

I am a firm believer that people need to know their beliefs and values. You need to know what you think and why you think it. Part of that experience, as being a conceptual human being, as being a person, is to communicate with other people. The very reason I started this community is for that purpose. The more you are exposed to ideas and beliefs, the better you understand your own. The more you need to voice what you think, the better you learn what you really believe–and how to say it.

Many people ask me how I am able to voice my beliefs so well… how do I write so well.. how do I do it?!

The answer is: I do it. Do you think I was born with the ability? Do you think I woke up one day and said, “Oh, look, I can express myself!” No, I woke up one day and said, “I know there is something wrong with world and with the beliefs I am presented… I’m going to find out why.” I read books, I talked to people, I hunted for what I believed. And I started to find it. I’m not anywhere near done yet, and will most likely never be.

We never stop learning and growing.

One of the most important parts of this, in my opinion, is venting. Venting is something often overlooked, misunderstood, and often even hated. And here is where we also get back to listening.

Just what is venting? Venting is a tool used by people (or, perhaps, often misabused) to help figure out what you believer and why you believe it. We all need to vent. Aside from the aspect of just getting out the raw emotions–generally hate, angst, etc.–it also helps us better understand who we are and what we believe. When we get upset, we can say some stupid things. And most of the time, we know this. But you need a person to vent on. Sometimes it can be expressed in other ways (writing, art, breaking things, etc.), but talking to a person has the best effect. Because you have all these ideas rattling around in your head… and until you say them, you don’t always know what you really believe.

What saddens me is the inability of a lot of people to listen to venting though. People want to criticize, attack, or toss aside someone’s venting.

“Oh you’re just upset..”

“That’s just STUPID!

… and that is not the point of venting. Venting gets out all of those crazy ideas. Venting is not a sessions to say “Hey, critic my beliefs!” … It is rather, the time to just gush. And when I refer to venting, I do not just mean being angry and loud. You can be hurt and depressed. Venting is just getting out. Saying what you think you feel and trying to interpret it.

And what a person who venting needs most, is someone to listen. And you know what the best part is? The person listening gets to grow, too. Because they can see how they feel about what is being said… with the understanding that person saying it is just trying to sort through it as much as they are. You’re not always going to be able to express how you think or what you feel.. you’re not always going to make it sound good or beautiful (perhaps this rant is a case?), but you’ll never be able to if you don’t try. I did not understand myself from sitting around and hopeing it would happen… I talked, I listened, and I vented. And I learned the most in the order of: listening, venting, and talking. And I still have a lot to learn, as do we all. But we’ve got to try. And we’ve got get it out. Go ahead, vent, it’s healthy. Just remember that it is a tool to discover yourself… and help yourself and your friends use it.

I bring to you words of wisdom, words of wonder, and words from the very pain of my soul. I am lost, but you, oh you who would listen, you can be free of that maze. If only you listen.

The first is just that. Listen. Learn. Don’t be closed or empty to the world around you. Every experience brings with it a lesson–don’t learn those lessons too late. I have lost many, many things because of lessons I have not learned. Things I can never have back. Things that I will never see again.

Friendships. Love. Hate. More things that I care to count. And so have many around me.

In fact, I offer no other lessons that to listen and to learn. Not to my words, as much as to your own experiences and your own mind.

If there is anyything–anything– you learn from me. Learn to trust yourself. You and I.. we are good, smart, RATIONAL people.. and we don’t feel things just because. We don’t just rationalize things–unless we think we are and then we are trying to rationalize something else. Follow yourself. Follow what you believe. If you think a situation is sour.. it’s sour. If you’re attracted to someone. Toss aside these social games. Throw away these rules of ettiqute. If someone doesn’t appreciate it.. someone else will. But we waste our time, our emotions, and our small life on trying to not be who we are. I would like to share with you a poem I wrote this evening… everybody seems to love my poetry, so let’s see… Last night, I had an experience that reawoke me. I have sheltered myself again. I babystep into the world because I have been knocked down and battered too many times. But the shelter I have created for myself is only hurting me, and those I care about, more. And it will only hurt you.

“Forsaken”

Broken tears

Shattered dreams

A lonely existence

My only comfort

Is knowing the pain

Will always stay

I have never learned

Those vital lessons

The ways of the dance

A courtship for love

Filled with daggers and sugars

And poisons and spice

From fear of being yourself

And alone I shall remain

Used by all of those

Lost in their comfortable fantasies

Unable to meet the needs

Because I’ve never seen

And barred for asking questions

Forbidden to know

How can I grow

If the only teacher refuses

But at least I am a friend

And always will be

Even to my desolate lovers

For we all needs friends

Even if mine forsake me

When I need them the most.

I’m sorry I asked questions. I’m sorry I don’t have all the answers. I’m sorry that I’ve been hurt. And I’m sorry that makes me reserved.

But I’m not sorry about who I am. I’m not sorry about what I’ve done. I’m not sorry for trying. And I definitely am not sorry that I care, only sorry that it got me hurt. Like always.

I believe in psychics of all varieties, personally, but I do not know any of them. I have friends who practice varieties of rituals and spells, but none of them claim to be able to predict the future or successfully read the minds of others. Yes, I believe in extra-sensory perception (ESP), and know several people, including myself who experience flashes of such. Mind readers, on the other hand, are not believed by many to be at all common.

The reason I bring up this mind-reading bit is because I’ve found more and more that people expect me to know everything that is going on in their minds. Recently, I had a miscommunication with someone very close to me, because she expected me to know everything that had gone on with her in the past couple of days, when I hadn’t talked with her during that time.

I have friends who believe firmly in the line, “Listen to what I mean, not what I say.” How incredibly ridiculous is that statement? I find that statement to be very outrageous, and even though it is meant in a humorous manner, offensive. When I ask someone if I’ve offended him in any way, and he just says no and gives a smile, then I expect nothing to be wrong, or for him to have taken no offense.

Why is it others feel as though, even though they hide to their true feelings, I should know exactly what is going on and what they really mean? I’m beginning to think that I should just take what people tell me and assume the opposite to be true.

Does anyone else have this issue, or am I the only one who truly has friends who expect me to be psychic? I suppose it’s somewhat flattering at times, because people seem to believe I can see right through them, which, in many cases, I can. I will not say, however, that I can see through lies every single time they are told to me. I also can’t read emotions when I’m over the phone hearing someone smile, laugh, and say, “No, that’s fine, I’ll just get together with someone else. Take care now.”

To me, that sounds like someone who will easily understand there is something else going on, and move past the fact that I’m not getting together with him or her. These other people, however, seem to think that I’m somewhat omniscient when it comes to predicting the way others will be affected by something I’ve done which they led to believe was perfectly fine. Is it my job to take courses to learn to read people’s minds? Do these courses even exist?

I suppose the thing that gets me the most is how angry people get when I fail to correctly read through the facades they send at me. I have had friendships suspended for months, even years, because someone expected me to know exactly what was going on in their minds. I have had relationships placed on hold, or even terminated, because I went along with my previous plans instead of dropping them for my significant other, who said she was fine with my choice of plans.

Someone please tell me how I’m supposed to deal with this. I don’t seem to understand how it is we’re supposed to get through this life without the ability to read minds. Am I wrong to find this hard to decipher? It seems like the only answers to these questions are in the minds of those people who make me ask them, and, frankly, if I could read them, this rant wouldn’t be here right now.

I guess that’s the plague my mind is currently experiencing.

I hate getting passed a message that someone has a problem with me. It makes me feel like I’m being talked about behind my back. I know that this is going to happen, regardless, but it still comes as a smack in the face. What gets me even more is when I am told the same thing by multiple people. Then I feel as if the squadron was sent in and the masses will take me down. Kinda extreme, but still, that’s how it feels. I know that I mess up sometimes, and I have no problem having my faults being pointed out to me; my problem is with people that won’t come to me with what they have to say.

When you have to find out from someone else that there is something you need to work on in a separate relationship, there is another problem: lack of communication. I don’t know about everyone else, but I tend to feel a bit attacked when confronted by someone with another’s issues with me. The intent may not be to hurt my feelings, but the result is the same. This is kind of personal, I know, but it’s what’s on my mind right now. I cannot stand to have all of my friends letting me know that another friend is upset at me. I would like to think that I am approachable enough to have differences worked out as if I were an adult in a friendship with another adult, because, frankly, that’s how it is.

If you can’t bring everything to the table, there is another greater problem: trust. I’ve learned that in my life, if I can’t communicate fully with someone, it more than likely is an issue with trust; I couldn’t trust the person to be respectful, or to understand what I am saying, or to honestly express their views. When others won’t communicate with me, it makes me feel as if they don’t trust me, and it hurts.

So if you just want to let me know… don’t, because I’d rather hear it from the source. And yes, I am going to be speaking with the person who inspired this little outburst.

As it is morning, instead of night, when I should have written this.

And I am going to say just this, insprised by a conversation last night:

Life will not always be easy. Life will not always go in directions you want. The difference is whether or not you try. You really have two choices in life: You can choose to live or you can choose to die. If you choose to live, you must take everything that comes with that. A rational, happy, life that is not always easy and doesn’t always go the way you want. If you choose to die, then what does it matter? Your choices from that point out are just the path you find to your grave really living.

If is your choice, and I am not going to interfere. But I know the choice I’ve made. And I know life is hard. And so do others. But at least we try. Stop, and think–do you?

“You break my back, you won’t break me…

All is black, but I still see…”

-KMFDM “Anarchy”

“Latetly I’ve come to see the solution, and it begins with me…”

-Bad Religion “My poor friend me”

There are a lot of things in our life that we cannot control. It is even worse when that lack of control is due to another person. It is yet worse when that lack of control is somewhat self imposed.

It is necessary at times to put ourselves in these types of situations. What can happen, though, is that we can begin to wallow in the lack of control and lack of happiness that comes with these relationships. We begin to think that we have no choices, no actions, and no hope. There is a misery that wells up inside, begging to be let loose, because ultimately we know the worse part… something long the lines of “If I want to live a decent life for the time being, I have to…”

And why should we have to do anything that makes us unhappy?

Well, we don’t, but there are times when it is the best option. And that option does not come without something very important… and many people tend to forget that fact. Unless you willing let them, no one person can control who you are. Your thoughts, your feelings, your values are all your own. And, ultimately, no one can take them from you. No one can affect your goals, your dreams, and your passions… if you strive for them.

If you have taken a route that is necessary to your situation, never forget that you are doing it for something else. You are striving for something, not just to wallow. If you don’t know what that something is, perhaps it is time to start looking. Your happiness is at stake.

The things you cannot control do not have to control you. Many people believe that to be controlled is to not be happy. And, to much an extent, this is true. But if you are a person, and if you use your tools at hand (your mind, your reason, your SELF) you will at least have that. What is important is that you do live.

Happiness is not simply a moment of pleasure. Nor the simple comfort of safety. Nor being able to choose when you can go out. These are all things that, in the end, make a big difference and are things we, as rational beings, should strive for… but, we will not always have those choices and freedoms. Or, at the least, we will inhibit ourselves with them. If you make a decision that inhibits your freedom, understand everything that comes with that agreement or decision… and then live your best under the confines.

You do not have to stop living, stop growing, stop achieving your goals because of these types of events. You’ve got one life to live, you’re future is today, and it’s time to live that future.

Let’s do it.

“Dovie’andi se tovya sagain…”

I’m not talking about menstrual blood (not yet). I’m talking about blood that comes from a cut, scratch or some other wound. Have you ever freaked a little bit about seeing someone else’s blood, or your own? Now. Has anyone ever said to you something along the line of “don’t freak out, it’s just blood!”? Do you see where I’m going with this?

Now. Let’s talk about menstrual blood. We are expected to get all but suicidal about it. And we are considered unclean if we say something to the effect of “don’t freak out, it’s just blood.” We are considered sissies if we can’t stand the sight of blood, yet, we must live in shame about a very natural process. A cut is not natural, it is a wound, and dammit, I’ll get freaked out about blood that I’m supposed to keep inside of me if I want to, and I will not stand for anyone telling me that my natural flow is gross.

I actually have few qualms over the sight of blood, but I am still sensitive to that stupid statement “it’s just blood.” Why can I not use it? My period is not the plague, it is not contagious, it is not evil. It is just blood. Don’t freak out. And please, please do not expect me to find PMS jokes funny all the time. Especially when I am PMSing. Does it sound like a smart thing to do? I find it amusing yet sad that guys will do anything to avoid discussion about Auntie Flo unless it is derrogatory. For some reason, although menstrual-speak is completely forbidden, it is perfectly acceptable to say “don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and won’t die.” To be perfectly honest, I find that statement to be funny, if offensive. But, I also find the following statements to be just as funny, if not funnier: “don’t trust a bone that has no bone.” “the only good man is a dead man.” “shoving glass rods up a penis and smashing them turns me on.” “fingernail clippers make castration much more interesting.” shall I go on?

Growing up, I used to be so ashamed of my period. My step-father would make faces or walk away if my mother or I would say anything about our special friends. He would bitch about used maxi pads/tampon applicators being in the trash, for chrissakes. He said it disturbed him. Where the hell are we supposed to throw away trash? In the refrigerator? You know what disturbed me about him? He would miss the toilet when he pissed late at night. I think that is a tad (read: a lot) more disturbing. As I got older, I got a bit (read: a lot) of my mother’s attitude about it. It is a natural process, so nyahhh!

I mean, come on, people. I do not bleed every 28 days because I am ill. And fellas, when your gal is bleeding, it usually is a good sign; she is not pregnant! I bleed every month because the egg released by my ovaries did not combine with a sperm to produce new life. The egg, subsequently, did not plant itself along the lining of my uterus. Therefore, all the tissue and blood that my body built up all month is no longer necessary; it is shed.

Don’t freak out, it’s just blood.

Editor’s Note:

See also the rant: If it bleeds for more than two days and lives… by Isaac S.

I picked up food for everyone in the office today. It was quite an ordeal, especially keeping the drinks from spilling in my truck… (you know.. if you they all drank water, it’d been easier on all of us, what with the water cooler in the office.. but, enough of my “pro water” sentiments..) It was cool, though, to be able to pick all of that up.

Cool, except it was all a complete pain.

Here is why. We went to El Pollo Loco. We had a HUGE order. It was lunch time.

Those things, in and of themselves, suck.

However, we tried to be cool. We tried to call the order in. When we called, they said they were too busy to take it over the phone. Okay, I can kind of understand that. So, I drove down there with two pages of food orders. I got there and, walked up to the counter (Yeah, real busy, eh?) and said, “Are you ready?!” in my typical Isaac manner.

The woman said, “Yes!”

I responded with, “Really? I’ve got a huge order. Can you handle it?”

“Yes”

Allright, let’s rock then. So I start reading her my order. From the first item, I can tell we’re going to have trouble. She seems to be new, she doesn’t understand the keypad well, she keeps interrupting me, and she DID NOT understand, “Do you have jalepenoes?” (Yes, forgive my typo. It’s too late to look up the proper spelling.). I’ll give her credit for her enthusiasm and I’ll kick the manager square in the rear for walking past several times and giving me dirty looks! Yeah, sorry, forgive me for coming and spending my money! Forgive me for dropping $50 dollars at your fast food establishment!

I doubt I really have a point, you you can figure it out yourself.

Honestly, it’s all very simple when you are beyond forced grade school. You pay for school (oh, wait, that is just for people like me.. most people have other people pay for them), you actually GO, and then you leave? Why?

There are a lot of factors involved, I know. But I am disgusted by class after class, people leaving at break, or in the middle of class, or coming only a couple of classes–all who generally wonder why they are failing (or, even worse, gloating that they are passing). I have never understood, and never will, the people who go to leave. Stay and learn something–even if it’s boring. It’s being paid for afterall. As far as “required” classes go… somewhere there is an actual reason for it.

Schools and learning are highly disregarded in this culture. We scoff at teachers, toss aside homework, and cringe when it is time to leave. But, why? Why bother. If you want to learn–go. If you don’t, drop the class. Find another teacher. Do whatever it takes.

But don’t waste the time of those of us who care.

I was thinking about some of the idiocies of our human relations and relationships today. More specifically, I was thinking about what is commonly reffered to as a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend/marriage/whatever). Communication, as I have spouted upon many occasions, is really a big deal. It is important that we open ourselves to each other, but especially in our committed relationships. After all, what is the relationship? It is not just a sexual fling to fulfill physical desires. It is the shared connection of beliefs and values.. it is being needed and having need.. it is having someone to listen.. and to listen to someone.. (it is getting a backrub in return! … I still have not truly received this … ) and more. But, sometimes, I don’t think people realize this.

Now, at times, it may be said. Or at least, the rhetoric may be said.

“I want someone to listen to me.”

Maybe you should try listening yourself.

“I want to be needed!”

Maybe you should have some respect for the person who needs you.

… and more. But, here is an area that really gets to me. A lot of people in relationships expect their “partner” to be able to do things without them having being communicated. Especially during the early “cathecting” stages. “You should just know what I want.” Oh, yeah, you’re right. I should just understand your needs exactly your needs, because I know you sooo well. (Perhaps that is also a comment about the length of time people spend wiggling into relationships.) You want me to be able to meet your needs? Perhaps I should know what they are!

I’m sorry if I’ve got to burst your bubble, but there is no magic carpet ride. There is no big white wedding. There is no prince charming or sleeping beauty. We’re not ina fairy tale, we are in life. And part of life, part of people, is that we are different! And we need to work and communicate and open up to each other–especially if we want people to be that close to us. You want someone to be there for you? Well, give someone the opportunity. And maybe look at how you are approaching things…

Let me give a comparison. Most of us have had a boss. Most of us have gone to work and not been happy. A lot of this is because we don’t feel unique, we don’t feel listened to, we don’t feel like we matter, or we don’t feel like we know what we are doing. Oh! Look at that! Is there some sort of common connection here!

I think so. I think that most human relation probelms are of a similar basis. And, we at work, we expect our boss’ to train us, to help us understand what we need to do, and then be there to provide feedback and to listen to what we have to say. And then, those same people, walk home, and expect their partners to know exactly how to act, not want any questions, and to “stop bitching, ’cause I’ve had a bad day, too!”

No, you stop bitching.

Because if you stop bitching, and you really want to make something happen, I’ll listen. And I’ll care.

And so will others.