I was thinking about some of the idiocies of our human relations and relationships today. More specifically, I was thinking about what is commonly reffered to as a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend/marriage/whatever). Communication, as I have spouted upon many occasions, is really a big deal. It is important that we open ourselves to each other, but especially in our committed relationships. After all, what is the relationship? It is not just a sexual fling to fulfill physical desires. It is the shared connection of beliefs and values.. it is being needed and having need.. it is having someone to listen.. and to listen to someone.. (it is getting a backrub in return! … I still have not truly received this … ) and more. But, sometimes, I don’t think people realize this.
Now, at times, it may be said. Or at least, the rhetoric may be said.
“I want someone to listen to me.”
Maybe you should try listening yourself.
“I want to be needed!”
Maybe you should have some respect for the person who needs you.
… and more. But, here is an area that really gets to me. A lot of people in relationships expect their “partner” to be able to do things without them having being communicated. Especially during the early “cathecting” stages. “You should just know what I want.” Oh, yeah, you’re right. I should just understand your needs exactly your needs, because I know you sooo well. (Perhaps that is also a comment about the length of time people spend wiggling into relationships.) You want me to be able to meet your needs? Perhaps I should know what they are!
I’m sorry if I’ve got to burst your bubble, but there is no magic carpet ride. There is no big white wedding. There is no prince charming or sleeping beauty. We’re not ina fairy tale, we are in life. And part of life, part of people, is that we are different! And we need to work and communicate and open up to each other–especially if we want people to be that close to us. You want someone to be there for you? Well, give someone the opportunity. And maybe look at how you are approaching things…
Let me give a comparison. Most of us have had a boss. Most of us have gone to work and not been happy. A lot of this is because we don’t feel unique, we don’t feel listened to, we don’t feel like we matter, or we don’t feel like we know what we are doing. Oh! Look at that! Is there some sort of common connection here!
I think so. I think that most human relation probelms are of a similar basis. And, we at work, we expect our boss’ to train us, to help us understand what we need to do, and then be there to provide feedback and to listen to what we have to say. And then, those same people, walk home, and expect their partners to know exactly how to act, not want any questions, and to “stop bitching, ’cause I’ve had a bad day, too!”
No, you stop bitching.
Because if you stop bitching, and you really want to make something happen, I’ll listen. And I’ll care.
And so will others.