Uncouth PerspectivesNot on the rug, man.

Session Start (AIM – UncouthRanting:*CENSORED*): Tue Jan 22 10:00:20 2002

UncouthRanting: http://asia.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/europe/scandinavia/01/22/airplane.toilet/index.html

*CENSORED*: *frowns* they shouldn’t make fun of her like that

*CENSORED*: even if it was her fault

*CENSORED*: or should I be laughing?

*CENSORED*: well, whether I should or should not be laughing, I’m not. Humor shouldn’t be at the expense of others

*CENSORED*: in my oh so humble opinion

UncouthRanting: I see.

UncouthRanting: What should it be, then?

*CENSORED*: kind. Teasing is funny, if it doesn’t turn hurtful. But doing something like that, turning an already embarrassing situation into a joke- that’s not. Now, I’ve had my laughs at the Darwin Awards, we own the book- but I didn’t laugh at the things like that. I think it is only funny to a degree

*CENSORED*: then it turns just plain mean

UncouthRanting: You still haven’t answer the full question, though? Perhaps better asked–what is humor?

*CENSORED*: humor depends on the person

*CENSORED*: I don’t think that was humor to me- but I know people that would love it

UncouthRanting: Why?

*CENSORED*: why does it depend on the person?

*CENSORED*: because everyone has a different basis, different morals, different opinions

*CENSORED*: and humor is just another opinion- opinions depend on the person being opinionated

*CENSORED*: or at least they should- people should find and learn and accept their own opinions

UncouthRanting: You’ve answered the how, but not the what

*CENSORED*: the what? humor is an opinion, isn’t that the what?

*CENSORED*: humor is something that makes us happy to a degree, I think

*CENSORED*: or is at least supposed to

UncouthRanting: You’re still walking around a definition.

*CENSORED*: I like definitions, they’re safe

*CENSORED*: what exactly are asking for? What humor is to me? what humor is to other people (can’t answer that one, sorry)?

*CENSORED*: or have I missed the question completely?

UncouthRanting: I’m looking for an objective definition of humor.

*CENSORED*: that’s hard

UncouthRanting: I know.

*CENSORED*: ob�jec�tive [ob j�ktiv ] adjective

1. free of bias: free of any bias or prejudice caused by personal feelings

2. based on facts: based on facts rather than thoughts or opinions

3. observable

UncouthRanting: Well, let’s try to work out a better definition of objective.

UncouthRanting: When I say objective, I am refering to reality itself, as it were.

*CENSORED*: hmm

UncouthRanting: How things are regardless of perception.

UncouthRanting: Reality is real–it is objective. It has laws and exists, whether or not someone is perceiving it.

*CENSORED*: hmm

*CENSORED*: k

UncouthRanting: And it’s laws overrule the perceptions of the observer.

*CENSORED*: shoot, all I’m coming up with are definitions

*CENSORED*: you’re mean, you make me think in different ways

*CENSORED*: is there an answer?

*CENSORED*: if the defintion is something about opinions

*CENSORED*: then opinions aren’t really objective

*CENSORED*: I think I’ve blocked myself into a corner *sighs*

UncouthRanting: Can you have an objective definition about opinions?

*CENSORED*: um, opinions are what people think

*CENSORED*: ?

*CENSORED*: so if you can have an objective definition of opinion, there must be one of humor

*CENSORED*: humor is an opinion that makes people feel good/funny/laughing- whether it be personally or publicly

*CENSORED*: that’s not what you wanted, is it?

UncouthRanting: Okay, you’re getting a little closer.

*CENSORED*: mhmm

*CENSORED*: humor is unjudgable?

*CENSORED*: because we each have our own idea of it?

UncouthRanting: Is it?

*CENSORED*: figures, question with a question :-\

*CENSORED*: humor is unjudgable in truth, but we each judge it in our own ways

*CENSORED*: so we make humor, but we can’t really judge it

UncouthRanting: You’re still walking around any real definition though..

UncouthRanting: Let’s expand, then.

*CENSORED*: erg!

UncouthRanting: What would you call humor?

UncouthRanting: As in..

UncouthRanting: How would you classify it?

*CENSORED*: something that makes people feel good in a mental sense

UncouthRanting: Hmm.

UncouthRanting: What does that fall under.

UncouthRanting: What are other things “like” that?

UncouthRanting: In a mental sense?

*CENSORED*: nothing, just humor

*CENSORED*: well, sadness

UncouthRanting: Oh?

*CENSORED*: feelings

UncouthRanting: Ahh!

UncouthRanting: Feelings!

*CENSORED*: humor is feeling

UncouthRanting: Okay, so humor is a feeling.

*CENSORED*: okay, yup

UncouthRanting: Or, probably better defined: humor is an emotion

*CENSORED*: acceptable

UncouthRanting: (Generally one of gaeity)

UncouthRanting: But now.

UncouthRanting: That leads us to something else..

UncouthRanting: What is emotion?

*CENSORED*: oh? not a big circle?

*CENSORED*: wonderful

UncouthRanting: No, not a circle. a logical progression.

*CENSORED*: emotion is what we feel- mentally

*CENSORED*: *sighs* big words

UncouthRanting: What does that mean?

*CENSORED*: which one?

UncouthRanting: The emotion comment

*CENSORED*: mental/physical. Emotion falls under mental, mainly, though it may come from physical sources or make something physical

UncouthRanting: Okay..

UncouthRanting: so they are something mental

UncouthRanting: right?

*CENSORED*: yuppers

UncouthRanting: what does that mean?

*CENSORED*: it means they happen in our minds. We shape them

UncouthRanting: We.. shape them?

*CENSORED*: one moment we can be sad, another happy- for the same reason

*CENSORED*: like with that airplane thingy

*CENSORED*: you could start to laugh, then realize it’s not nice and stop

*CENSORED*: and be angry at yourself for beginning to laugh

UncouthRanting: Why would you thinks it’s funny.. and then get angry?

*CENSORED*: all righty, what if you laugh because it’s just a story- then remember something similar happening to you? you’d be angry at the story, after laughing

UncouthRanting: Okay.. why do you think that is?

*CENSORED*: a joke isn’t too funny if it’s mean/embarassing and it happens to you

*CENSORED*: at least not most of the time

UncouthRanting: Ah.

UncouthRanting: So, mayhaps, it has something to do with reality?

*CENSORED*: *blinks* I never thought of it that way

*CENSORED*: but yes

UncouthRanting: Hmm.

UncouthRanting: Soo..

UncouthRanting: If we were to correlate everything you said..

UncouthRanting: and add some polished touches…

*CENSORED*: so this is where I’m supposed to come up with a brilliant insight?

*CENSORED*: humor is mental but reality based?

UncouthRanting: Emotions are essentially an individuals reaction to reality based on his or her beliefs and values.

*CENSORED*: *smiles slightly*

*CENSORED*: or that

UncouthRanting: and humor, being an emotion falls under that.

UncouthRanting: And we can actually use that as a tool to judge and understand people.

UncouthRanting: For, if someone laughs at something truly heinous… we can glimpse at their beliefs and values.. ?

*CENSORED*: *nods* except, you shouldn’t let just one thing be the judge

UncouthRanting: That’s why it is “a tool” and not “the way we judge”.

*CENSORED*: I accept that

UncouthRanting: Should we go further with this?

UncouthRanting: Like.. do you agree with that definition of emotions?

*CENSORED*: yes

*CENSORED*: exactly so

UncouthRanting: Well, then let me leave you with these thoughts:

UncouthRanting: If emotions are based on our beliefs and values… what are the problems with people and philosophy who tell us simply give into our emotions and not think…

UncouthRanting: Or, even more..

UncouthRanting: What about people who do things that make them feel bad? what about people who have conflicting emotions and claim “they can’t do anything about it..” or “they don’t understand why..” ? How can understanding that emotions are rooted in beliefs and values help them?

UncouthRanting: Just think about those.

*** *CENSORED* signed off at Tue Jan 22 11:38:41 2002.

Editor’s note:

…and the story turns out to be false, anyways. Heh.

CORRECTED: Airline Says In-Flight Toilet Ordeal Story False

You know the one I’m talking about. He’s (and to be fair, I’ve known girl ones, too) the one who goes into Jewish chatrooms saying “Heil Hitler!” and into Christian ones professing his love for Satan, then follows that up by going to a gay newsgroup and talking about how much God hates fags.

They’re Internet Assholes. They’re usually about thirteen years old and they just do it for attention, probably attention they can’t receive at home. They’re media whores who don’t have enough prestige to do it properly for ideas that are reasonable, so they take extreme and outrageous stances, hoping that will merit them the same sort of spotlight. They want to rebel and so instead of doing it for a cause they believe in, they just do it for something so incredibly unpopular that they know people will be reviled. It also happens with kids who feel that no matter what, they’ll be hated by their peers – so why try to be liked? May as well try to be hated, at least they’ll succeed, they think.

A lot of times they succeed in making people angry. In the chatrooms, newsgroups, and bulletin boards they frequent, people will often get pissed off enough to start calling the Asshole names. This is where the Internet Asshole seizes on an opportunity to make even more people angry, and starts to make even more outrageous statements.

In other places, though, there are Mature Ones when this happens. Mature Ones say to the people arguing with the Asshole, “look, it’s just The Bulletin Board Asshole. If you don’t argue with him, he’ll eventually stop.” But the Mature Ones really aren’t so smart. Instead of backing off, the Asshole will usually take a series of even more offensive positions. Usually, the only way to get rid of them is just to wait them out, letting them know consistently and firmly that their ideas aren’t wanted there, though this should be done without degenerating into name-calling.

The key thing about the Internet Assholes is, though, that they’re utterly harmless. They spout things but they don’t really take action. They won’t even say the things they say online in front of real-world people, because they don’t want real arguments. But they really piss me off, because they have sapped the joy from several of my favorite places online.

So I’ve wondered, ever since the John Walker case came up, why I loathe the man so much. It’s surely not just because he hates America or did what he did to fight it, because I am not angry with the Taliban foot-soldiers other than him. Nor is it even because he had had a taste of freedom before going to fight in Afghanistan. So I thought and thought. And finally I figured it out.

John Walker is an Internet Asshole.

He actually started out on the internet, pretending to be black and espousing Black Power, claiming that he and his brothers were being kept down (while simultaneously championing the use of the word “nigger”). And people in Marin County, where he lived, just shrugged. Kids will be kids, they said. They ignored it and let him take increasingly bizarre stances. At the point when he went to Yemen to “study Arabic,” he may as well have been waving around a flag that said “please pretty please I want attention!” but no one paid him any heed.

And finally, he ended up in the Taliban. And he got caught, and he’s getting the media spotlight he’s always wanted without the pesky problem of people who would dare to argue with him. CNN interviewed him, and he said some very typical Internet Asshole things. “Jihad is everything I expected it to be,” with a big smile.

You see, I wouldn’t have as much of a problem with it even if I truly thought he believed what he said. But I’m sure he, like all the Internet Assholes I’ve ever known, doesn’t believe a word of it. He’s playing a role. He’s gotten so into a persona that the persona has taken over. It probably could have been stopped early on, when he was first beginning to develop his persona online, when he hadn’t yet convinced himself that he believed his own stupidity. But no one wanted to interfere, and so they didn’t. Eventually, he couldn’t think of anything more outrageous to say – and his words crossed the barrier into actions.

And it bothers me, because I like to think that the Internet Assholes will never become the person they act like online. I like to think that in truth, they’re white suburban rich kids with too much time on their hands and not enough in their skulls – I have to think that in order to not be genuinely worried about far too many things. John Walker has proven me wrong, and he has given us a lesson we really should all take to heart. Playing militant, soldier, and traitorous killer made John Walker just that. Eventually, we all become what we pretend to be.

And you, because you are just so eager to eat this nice, juicy steak, get a piece lodged in your throat. Oops. So you’re coughing and turning blue.

But that’s ok – there’s a doctor at the table.

He walks up to you. “Oh. You’re coughing,” he says. “You probably have a cold. Here’s some cough syrup, take it and if it doesn’t clear up in a few days, let me know.”

You cough, sputter and die. Oops again. Hate it when that happens.

See, that’s the problem with naming a disease based on symptoms alone. Many very different diseases have similar symptoms. Are those persistent headaches caused by stress, or a brain tumor (actually, your doctor will really appreciate it if you go in and see him, thinking you have a brain tumor, EVERY time you have a headache – just try it!)? Does your throat hurt because you’ve got strep or just because you were yelling at the concert the night before? Obviously, courses of treatment are much different in each case, and a doctor would be in pretty big trouble if he diagnosed one as the other.

But now, let’s say you’re a little kid and you go into a psychiatrist’s office. And your parents, who have taken you in on the recommendation of your teacher, explain the problem. They tell the psychiatrist you’re always so fidgety, and you never pay attention in class. You’re always too busy doing something else, you’re always incredibly easily distracted. You tell them that you’re bored with school all the time, that you already know everything the teacher is saying. Besides, you tell them, you like the way your brain can think about ten things at once, not getting any line of thought garbled, how you can free-associate really easily. They don’t seem to listen, though.

So they have you do a test. They sit you in front of a computer. “Here’s a game for you to play for 30 minutes,” a nurse tells you. Oh cool, a game, you think. Then you notice the monochrome monitor. Wait a minute. What kind of game uses a monochrome monitor?

She points to the screen, where a solid rectangle sits. “There’s going to be a square that appears either in the top half or the bottom half of the rectangle,” she explains, pointing out for your benefit the location of each half. You glare at her, but she doesn’t seem to notice. “Any time it’s in the top half [another gesture], you press this little button here.” Uhh, right, you think. Half an hour of this shit?

She leaves the room and you’re alone, in the dark except this single, bright fucking orange rectangle. Orange. And so you start to think. There must be some pattern to this, some percentage of times it appears in one half versus the other. Right now, it seems like maybe 2/3 of the time, it’s in the bottom half. So you start to anticipate a little bit. If it’s appeared in the bottom half several times in a row, you pounce on the button the next time one is about to show up, anticipating it. And sometimes you’re wrong, but you’re mostly right. The test moves through phases of different percentages, and you adjust your mental game a bit, getting better at it as you go. And you think you’re pretty clever.

Test results come back later. You’re impulsive, the results say, and have little control over said impulses. Diagnosis: ADD with hyperactivity components. They put you on a drug that, in tests done on lab rats, is indistinguishable from cocaine. You can’t really do all the free associating you used to do. You can concentrate on your classes, sort of, but you become frustrated with the fact that you’re still not learning anything. You continue through school making decent grades, but you don’t really like to learn anymore. You graduate with honors and go to a state school, and then have a job managing a small group of people. And your parents have told you what you used to be like without your meds – rambunctious, always doing silly things, and never sitting still � and you’re so grateful you ended up on Ritalin.

ADD is perhaps the most obvious of the many created “disorders” and “syndromes” that litter modern psychiatry like so many discarded orange peels and cigarette butts. ADD, which can be used to describe children who are misbehaved, stupid brats acting up to get attention or geniuses who are stifled by classes that move too slowly for them. Of course, it’s in a psychiatrist’s best interest to diagnose a disorder.

Of all the kinds of doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists are really the only ones who can really profit by telling you there’s something wrong with you when there’s not. Any other doctor could end up proven wrong if he said, say, you had a chronic kidney problem. But “mental health professionals” can’t really be proven wrong. And nearly everyone’s personality seems to indicate some kind of disorder. The only people who wouldn’t be diagnosed with something by a very thorough shrink would be so boring they’d put anyone of note to sleep.

The problem with psychiatry today is the same problem that medicine had several centuries ago. We have a few generic remedies that we sort of think help somehow, but we’re not entirely sure how. We use each of our remedies for many different diseases, and we don’t even really know the causes of the diseases themselves. It’s medieval. And just as in medieval times, not knowing the causes of the disease and treating with general remedies based on vague symptoms makes it so treatment causes more harm than good.

It may be another year. But to many, this is a new begining, but really… it’s just another day.

I was thinking last night as I was… taking a test to find out what my New Year’s Resolution is (Break Stuff), how ridiculous the whole idea is. A New Year’s Resolution.

It just seems so counterproductive. It is irrational. If you want to make a change, make a change. It doesn’t revolve around dates, or seasons, or anything other than your own volitonal choice.

I was also reading something that implied that the number one “New Year’s Resolution” was to loose weight… and that most people do not actually follow through with it. And again, I find it silly. Simply make the choice to do it and work towards it. Do not play these games with dates and boundaries. Do not set those limitations on yourself, because you’re only holding yourself back.. and not living in reality.

In reality, there are no real boundaries, except the boundaries you set for yourself.