Uncouth PerspectivesNot on the rug, man.

I tend to forget how easily I can conflict with the learning systems at schools.

First, and formost in my mind, I always forget, no matter how short my break is, how much I despise the seating size. I am not a small fellow, being 6’5″ and 265lbs. I tend to kindly refer to myself as an Ogre and, as I sit in these tiny chairs, I think it must be almost comic to see people of my stature showing in great fashion the reason why I refer to myself as an Ogre.

It actually reminds me of when I took my SAT’s. Aside from the fact that I was very sick, it was also extremely uncomfortable. I took the SAT’s at UCI (University of California, Irvine) and… wow. I had to sit at a slight angle, because I did not quite fit in the chair. Also, I had to write at an angle, because the desktop did not fold down all of the way with the fact of me knee being in the way. So I was all contorted and twisted and just having a dreadful time.

Second, while this teacher is knowledgeable and when she is talking about the subject I am completely intent, she is driving me crazy. She tells us how she teaches many lower division english classes and college prep classes. And now she’s trying to tell me how to take notes. And what to write down.

I hate that. Nay, young lads and lasses, I despise that. Not because I don’t think that it needs to be taught, but more because I really don’t need to be taught it. Not only do I have my system well down (to think, this is only the begining of my sixth year going to a college… with nothing to show but a LOT of units… yaaaay!), but I also have a very unique learning system. And when she continually stops to go “Oh, and now let’s talk about taking notes again” it, at best, drives me crazy and, at worst, sends me off to another world where I stop listening to everything and focus on, say, the name for my upcoming radio show. Or the outline for my book. Or how god damned uncomfortable the bloody chair is.

I’m not saying that the school systems needs to be catered to me.. in fact, I don’t really know where my point is, but I do know this:

The learning institutions definitely make it hard for me to learn what I want to learn… and I can learn fairly easily and, for all my dissedents to rear, I AM a patient person… if it’s this much of a pain for me, what about everyone else as well?

I had actually spent the night with her and I was getting up to go to work. It was odd, because she had never let me come over. She would always come over and stay with me. It was kind of a nice feeling… except things were not going as well between us.

Well, at least the scale was on my side that day. It read 235. (Don’t forget, I am 6’5″)

The number stop calculating and I stare down in horror.

265.

I suppose severe apathy about your condition and situations will do that to you.

I was talking with Jennifer a couple of days ago and she was telling me that last time she had seem me, I was looking really good. So much for that, I suppose.

I’m going to start hiking with Ryan this weekend. I’ll hopefully be able to go with him most of the weekends… he does it every Saturday now.

If I’m going to get myself back on a track, that is going to be a good way to do it. Last time I was looking really good, it is because Travis and I would work out every couple of days. It was not the working out… it was the companionship. Back then, when I started doing it, I could not understand why: a) I had not done it before or b) why everyone found it so hard.

But, I understand a little better now. I’ve tried several time to start working out, and I find laying around eating crap food and then sleeping to be much more appealing…

Why?

Well, it’s the bloody companionship. I think that is something most people tend to miss out on.. the importance of feeling good and enjoying what you are doing. The people who can work out (no excessively so) enjoy that time to themselves. Other people, like me, have our “self” time… and there is something to be said about companionship when doing things like that.

Last night I had the parents place. They’re out of town and ask me to watch the dog. Having the parents place means that I have access to an amazing home theatre system. I can say many things about my father, but the highest among them is that he can definitely set up a movie watching environment.

I spent most of the day attempting to find someone to come over and enjoy it with me and failing horribly. Instead of going over and doing my laundry, getting some food, watching some movies, and caring for the dog like my plan was… I slept or laid around until almost 11 o’clock at night. Then I groggily drove to their place… scrounged for some food, watched a movie, laid around some more… and did not really accomplish anything except for getting a horrible night of sleep and feeling like patooky this morning.

Feeling that human connection is important. What we do does not always directly connect (i.e. working out does not need to be something you do with someone)… but it is a lot harder to get motivated to do things when you feel lonely. So many people misunderstand relationships and friendships… and are so, so lonely.

Culture, nuture and appreciate your human relations. No one can always be there for you when you need it.. and don’t let that fact destroy you. But, no one will be there unless you let them.. and you make it happen.

So, Kristin, Marc, and I are sitting at the club.  It was supposed to be a live jazz band, but it’s some really obscure disco and indie-rock mix being dj’d.  Kristin looks over at one of the girls she’s been eyeing all night and sees that she has friends.

“There’s three of them!  And three of us!” she cries.

Oh dear.

They both turn to me, as I’m the deciding factor.

“You get the one in the blue shirt.”

You know what is funny about that is that she had caught my eye earlier in the night when we were watching some silly people pretend to dance on the dance floor. Honestly, she was very cute, perhaps even better described as “attractive”… though, in the dark, underground club it was hard to even see my friends well.

So, they both look at me expectantly. I smile slightly, turn my head and cross my arms.

I think they both screamed.

I felt actually kind of bad. I know they really wanted to go over and talk. And I DID find the girl attractive. But just not in that environment. Not like that.

I suppose that is part of the difficulty, at least for me. Meeting people can be, at times, a difficult task. A lot of people go to meet other people at bars… but it’s just not my style. Plus, I’m not looking for a quick hook or a light style relationship. I know in this case, Marc was in because he just wanted to do it–it does take balls and there are not always times like this–and Kristin was really intoxicated. It would have been fun.

But, still, I need to stand by what and who I am.

At one point, Kristen was going to go for it anyways. She got up, turned to me and kind did a “check her out” to the girl in the blue shirt. I think one of the girls saw. Funny. Kristen then turns around and starts talking to one of them anyway. I sat, resolute.

We ended up closing the night out and the two groups went up the stairs together. Then we walked off into separate groups and talked for several minutes, I believe glancing back at each other.

Then we all went home.

I don’t know why I shared this, but.. there you go.

Just working away.

I have some very cool ideas I’m going to start putting in place. I’m estimating about three weeks of coding time. I’ve been put in charge of setting up a very nice and, at least for me, very advanced network at work. So my head has been severely twisted.

Also, however, a lot has been going on and I think it’s kind of lit a small fire under me. Hopefully it will keep burning.

Looking forward to the Uncouth Rant Pages… and in the meantime, enjoy a small poem that sums things up for me:

Damned Lies
and misplaced passion
Forgoing self-control
Living in the vortex
A whirlwind of emotions
Spurring your actions
Clouding the world
True sight vanished

It’s just what you feel…

Isaac

Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac…..

Why is the site sooo slow?

Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac….

Why is the site down?

Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac….

Fix it!

…

Allright! I know! There have been some severe problems with the server. I swear it is nothing to do with the code! The “code” side of the site is fine, it is hardware technical problems, it seems, that are causing all of these problems.

I have no posted updates because of all the problems. We’ve got some articles waiting to be posted, but I’d rather they actually get read and enjoyed.. rather than sitting and festering, like old rotten wounds.

I’ve also put some work into the user system and you should see the beta version of that being released fairly soon. But not until I’m sure the site is staying up and running smoothly.

So, until they, enjoy some of the old articles and I might post one or two things to get a little new blood in.

Isaac

Okay.

I updated some of the login code, so those of you who had problems… they should hopefully be gone. And if you start having problems, please let me know.

I started to put some work into the Devonshire site this weekend. I did not get as far as I would have liked. I’m still pretty sad. I had someone committed to design it for me, so all I was going to do was build the back end, but that fell through some time ago. I will get to it though.

However, I have to first work on a project to build an online gaming clan website. Hey, I’m getting paid for it.

Also, I’m going to finish moving the archive over in the next day or two. I’ll have all the old “Uncouth News”, a now defunct mock news segment, Punkerslut’s articles which someone got pushed aside in the shuffle, and all the poetry and writing that I just seem to love to force on you.

Also, look ahead for very soon, Sara (Melodramatic.com) and I will be putting together a Sex and Relationships talk show, hosted on OuchFM! We don’t have the exact time frame, but it will be in the VERY, VERY near future. You’ve heard me complain about LoveLine… now I’m doing something about it.

I’m glad to see the comments now that the system actually works right…

Isaac.

Over the weekend, I came across a person who thoughts and ideas really ring true to some of my beliefs and values. This is exemplified in the recent Editor’s Note of Nervy Girl Magazine. So, I decided to write a letter… and I thought I’d share some of it:

In seeing not only your credits, the fact that you have at least one article on Good Vibrations (whom I hold in high regard), and if nothing else at all, the beauty of your writing, I felt the need to thank you. While spending many of my years as that quiet, shy boy in the back, my explosion into speaking, writing, and generally expressing myself in ways I never thought before have endowed me with a very appreciative attitude for those who can share and express as well as you do.

My background, of which I momentarily spoke of previously, includes a quite open exposure into the world of “sex”, that not-as-taboo-as-people want it to be that you are perhaps more familiar with than me. I have managed one of the best local “sex” stores. In that, I came to begin giving speeches at local colleges and universities. This has subsided with my lack of backing… the teachers and faculty tend to find it less apt when I announce myself and expert on my own terms. Ah, well. I am in talks with another company to continue doing this again. If not, I shall find a way. Speaking about sex, sexuality, relationships, anatomy, communication, and more has created a driving passion in me.

As I scanned through your work, I also came across the editor’s note for the current Nervy Girl! magazine. I was going to type something silly such as “And now allow me to comment”. But, because even if you wish me to not comment, you can simply not read it (which will not prevent me from typing it), and some speech teacher in the past said “Never say what you are about to say in a speech”, which I have a bad habit of not following, I decided not to. Well, for the most part, heh. Anyways, the comments, man, the comments!

In the rare case you are unfamiliar offhand to which I speak of, I’m going to go ahead and quote the end of it, the part in which I shall focus my attention:

“So rather than making rules and laws about who should come together, let�s spend that time and money teaching people HOW to come together. Let�s take Bush�s welfare money and spend it on classes that teach people from all walks of life how to have happier, healthier relationships. Let�s take some of the defense fund and create a World Peace Fund, so that nations may come together without war. And let�s teach by example � by nurturing positive, loving relationships with ourselves and those around us.

If we must create rules, either legal or societal, that govern coupling, then let�s create ones that will really make a difference. Let�s call for rules that end domestic violence and mental abuse, and laws that say it doesn�t matter who you couple up with as long as they bring joy to your life. But most of all, let�s call for a celebration of the couplings that lift us up, that make us better, stronger and wiser people. For it is these couplings, these connections, that allow us to create change, first in ourselves and then in the world. ”

In reading this, I think my heart skipped a beat. I was just having this conversation (which I, admittedly, have had many times) today with my friend Jennifer. Our specific talk was about forcing public libraries to block pornography on their public access computers. Now, pornography arguments aside, there are deeper issues at hands with this sentiment and with the things that you talked about.

The first issue is the answer is not in controlling people. We, as individual, conceptual human beings do not need a government or any body to protect us from ourselves. We have the ability to do that on our own. By attempting to limit people’s actions, we only expound the bad and negative influence. I am a firm believer the oppression leads to repression and repression leads to obsession.

When society begins to control instead of educate, only bad can be the outcome. The answer is not in placing more bars, placing more censorship, inhibiting more actions. The answer is in educating. Sex is not bad. Sexuality is not wrong. It is the ways in which people come to desire and oppress themselves that is bad. It is not sexuality we should bad. It is sexuality we should educate. It is not freedom we should ban. It is freedom we should educate.

And, like you said, the rules we do need to create. These needs to be rules to foster the spirit of humanity and beauty of the world. There are need to be rules that do not control, but rather promote growth.

And growth is part of why I wrote this email. Between my experience with sharing and opening people to their own sexuality, and creating and harvesting a website wherein my writing is applauded and has an apparent impact, I really savored what I stumbled across. It is people like you who continue to inspire and teach me, as I in turn think I inspire and teach others. We all have something to teach, as we all have something to learn. That is part of the beauty of all human relations. But it is even more wonderful when a person, like you, opens her or him self widely to the experience but without the need to fulfill self worth by saying “look how great I am for doing this.” The self worth is in the action, not just in the reaction.

Let’s here your thoughts…