Over the weekend, I came across a person who thoughts and ideas really ring true to some of my beliefs and values. This is exemplified in the recent Editor’s Note of Nervy Girl Magazine. So, I decided to write a letter… and I thought I’d share some of it:
In seeing not only your credits, the fact that you have at least one article on Good Vibrations (whom I hold in high regard), and if nothing else at all, the beauty of your writing, I felt the need to thank you. While spending many of my years as that quiet, shy boy in the back, my explosion into speaking, writing, and generally expressing myself in ways I never thought before have endowed me with a very appreciative attitude for those who can share and express as well as you do.
My background, of which I momentarily spoke of previously, includes a quite open exposure into the world of “sex”, that not-as-taboo-as-people want it to be that you are perhaps more familiar with than me. I have managed one of the best local “sex” stores. In that, I came to begin giving speeches at local colleges and universities. This has subsided with my lack of backing… the teachers and faculty tend to find it less apt when I announce myself and expert on my own terms. Ah, well. I am in talks with another company to continue doing this again. If not, I shall find a way. Speaking about sex, sexuality, relationships, anatomy, communication, and more has created a driving passion in me.
As I scanned through your work, I also came across the editor’s note for the current Nervy Girl! magazine. I was going to type something silly such as “And now allow me to comment”. But, because even if you wish me to not comment, you can simply not read it (which will not prevent me from typing it), and some speech teacher in the past said “Never say what you are about to say in a speech”, which I have a bad habit of not following, I decided not to. Well, for the most part, heh. Anyways, the comments, man, the comments!
In the rare case you are unfamiliar offhand to which I speak of, I’m going to go ahead and quote the end of it, the part in which I shall focus my attention:
“So rather than making rules and laws about who should come together, let�s spend that time and money teaching people HOW to come together. Let�s take Bush�s welfare money and spend it on classes that teach people from all walks of life how to have happier, healthier relationships. Let�s take some of the defense fund and create a World Peace Fund, so that nations may come together without war. And let�s teach by example � by nurturing positive, loving relationships with ourselves and those around us.
If we must create rules, either legal or societal, that govern coupling, then let�s create ones that will really make a difference. Let�s call for rules that end domestic violence and mental abuse, and laws that say it doesn�t matter who you couple up with as long as they bring joy to your life. But most of all, let�s call for a celebration of the couplings that lift us up, that make us better, stronger and wiser people. For it is these couplings, these connections, that allow us to create change, first in ourselves and then in the world. ”
In reading this, I think my heart skipped a beat. I was just having this conversation (which I, admittedly, have had many times) today with my friend Jennifer. Our specific talk was about forcing public libraries to block pornography on their public access computers. Now, pornography arguments aside, there are deeper issues at hands with this sentiment and with the things that you talked about.
The first issue is the answer is not in controlling people. We, as individual, conceptual human beings do not need a government or any body to protect us from ourselves. We have the ability to do that on our own. By attempting to limit people’s actions, we only expound the bad and negative influence. I am a firm believer the oppression leads to repression and repression leads to obsession.
When society begins to control instead of educate, only bad can be the outcome. The answer is not in placing more bars, placing more censorship, inhibiting more actions. The answer is in educating. Sex is not bad. Sexuality is not wrong. It is the ways in which people come to desire and oppress themselves that is bad. It is not sexuality we should bad. It is sexuality we should educate. It is not freedom we should ban. It is freedom we should educate.
And, like you said, the rules we do need to create. These needs to be rules to foster the spirit of humanity and beauty of the world. There are need to be rules that do not control, but rather promote growth.
And growth is part of why I wrote this email. Between my experience with sharing and opening people to their own sexuality, and creating and harvesting a website wherein my writing is applauded and has an apparent impact, I really savored what I stumbled across. It is people like you who continue to inspire and teach me, as I in turn think I inspire and teach others. We all have something to teach, as we all have something to learn. That is part of the beauty of all human relations. But it is even more wonderful when a person, like you, opens her or him self widely to the experience but without the need to fulfill self worth by saying “look how great I am for doing this.” The self worth is in the action, not just in the reaction.
Let’s here your thoughts…