I had actually spent the night with her and I was getting up to go to work. It was odd, because she had never let me come over. She would always come over and stay with me. It was kind of a nice feeling… except things were not going as well between us.
Well, at least the scale was on my side that day. It read 235. (Don’t forget, I am 6′5″)
The number stop calculating and I stare down in horror.
265.
I suppose severe apathy about your condition and situations will do that to you.
I was talking with Jennifer a couple of days ago and she was telling me that last time she had seem me, I was looking really good. So much for that, I suppose.
I’m going to start hiking with Ryan this weekend. I’ll hopefully be able to go with him most of the weekends… he does it every Saturday now.
If I’m going to get myself back on a track, that is going to be a good way to do it. Last time I was looking really good, it is because Travis and I would work out every couple of days. It was not the working out… it was the companionship. Back then, when I started doing it, I could not understand why: a) I had not done it before or b) why everyone found it so hard.
But, I understand a little better now. I’ve tried several time to start working out, and I find laying around eating crap food and then sleeping to be much more appealing…
Why?
Well, it’s the bloody companionship. I think that is something most people tend to miss out on.. the importance of feeling good and enjoying what you are doing. The people who can work out (no excessively so) enjoy that time to themselves. Other people, like me, have our “self” time… and there is something to be said about companionship when doing things like that.
Last night I had the parents place. They’re out of town and ask me to watch the dog. Having the parents place means that I have access to an amazing home theatre system. I can say many things about my father, but the highest among them is that he can definitely set up a movie watching environment.
I spent most of the day attempting to find someone to come over and enjoy it with me and failing horribly. Instead of going over and doing my laundry, getting some food, watching some movies, and caring for the dog like my plan was… I slept or laid around until almost 11 o’clock at night. Then I groggily drove to their place… scrounged for some food, watched a movie, laid around some more… and did not really accomplish anything except for getting a horrible night of sleep and feeling like patooky this morning.
Feeling that human connection is important. What we do does not always directly connect (i.e. working out does not need to be something you do with someone)… but it is a lot harder to get motivated to do things when you feel lonely. So many people misunderstand relationships and friendships… and are so, so lonely.
Culture, nuture and appreciate your human relations. No one can always be there for you when you need it.. and don’t let that fact destroy you. But, no one will be there unless you let them.. and you make it happen.