As I boy, I grew up at the movie theaters. My father had a long history as first a projectionist and then as a technician. I spent many laborous hours and days roaming the haunted halls of movie theaters, trying to find some live and imagination. I would then spend the afternoon and nights watching the movies.
It never got old.
That is, until, someone decided it was okay for people to talk during movies. I’m really upset that I missed this hearing. When was the okay given to walking into a theater and TALKING OR SCREAMING OR JUST MAKING NOISE okayed?!
And it have to have been okayed, because it is just getting worse and worse.
I am specifically referring to my adventure to go watch the movie “Signs” last night. I’m not going to talk about what I thought about the film.
So, Marc and I arrive and are sitting. The theatre is relatively empty–we arrived a little earlier.
The theatre slowly starts to pack in behind us.
These three people walk in, litarally screaming.
“WOO! RAAAH! BLAAAAAAARGH!”
Well, maybe not blargh, but it surely was ringing in my head.
Marc and I both groan, but we attempt to persevere.
People behind us start to pick up the yelling.
Get me a gun.
The lights dim slightly and the ever-comforting hymn of the projector lights. What… used to be the comforting sound of SHUT THE HELL UP as well.
A commercial.
Two commercials.
Three commercials.
The crowd start to get restless.
FOUR commercials.
FIVE commercials–I’m paying someone so they can show me ads?
Ah, finally, the previews.
The crowd is really restless, they calm a bit.
One preview–people start to yell and jeer after it.
Two previews–more.
Three previews–even more.
Four previews–sigh.
Five previews–everyone is bored and yelling and I just want to slam my head into a wall.
Six previews–We ARE paying for ads! Yaaaay!
Ahh.. the movie starts.
It’s a scary movie. It’s starts out quiet.
Well, except for the frothing monkey’s in the theatre with the attention span of a two year old speed addict who are yelling and screaming and trying to show their girlfriends how cool they are.
Ahh! That’s why I don’t have a girlfriend! I refuse to act like a complete asshole to show how cool I am. And you wonder why we continue to breed assholes?
So, the movie starts and people kind of quiet up.. but it never really stops. There is this incesant murmur the entire movie.. and whenever there is a quiet point in the movie (And.. this is a quiet movie) someone decides their not doing well enough in the mating ritual and has a snide little comment to say.
It’ll be hard to say that when I shove my penis in your ear. That’s right. My penis. Your ear.
Shut up.