Uncouth PerspectivesNot on the rug, man.

Editor’s Note: I wrote this back in February and guess I never posted it. I just found it and thought I’d go ahead and still post it.

So here is something I have -never- understood about dating: what’s up with all the ignorin’?

Imagine a scenario like this:

Young Jimmy is a bright, decently attractive young man. He sees Susy, a smart, decently attractive young woman. Perhaps they talk. Perhaps they are in the same class. In this day and age, maybe it is on a dating site or he reads her blog. Jimmy gets infatuated with Susy and decides to ask her out. Perhaps he calls her. Or maybe he emails her. If he calls, there is no answer, so he leaves a voice mail. With his email, he just has to wait. And he does. He waits. And waits. And Waits. And Susy never responds, clearly not interested. Or is it so clear…?

I can not decide which person is weaker: the person who would rather ignore someone who is interested or the person who is interested who cannot take the rejection. You see, I think that there is decades of cultural weight and a lot of crazy people who are to thank for this. I think that one of the reasons this happens lies somewhere between a person who either feels bad or does not want to face someone and tell them no and a person who can not handle or take the rejection.

Maybe I have a different attitude, but I would rather know someone is not attracted to me (and maybe even why) than to be ignored. I can easily take someone saying, “Hey, not interested.” I know that I’m a pretty unique person and I think that really limits who might be interested. I can even take someone saying “Hey, I don’t think you are attractive.” Yeah, it doesn’t make me want to jump up and down and celebrate, but it’s the truth and that is important. Especially because I am not Brad Pitt… hey, I’m not even Ron Perlman. But knowing is important. I’m also not one who will get angry, or weepy, or cunningly master a guilt trip.

I don’t know if I understand why people do the ignoring part, I can only guess. Most of this is, well because in my vast history of getting ignored I’ve never had a chance to find out why… because I’ve been ignored. See the vicious circle here? But enough about me. Does anyone understand this better? I mean, is it because someone doesn’t want another person to feel bad? Or because he/she cannot face turning someone down? Or is it because it is just easier? Or maybe people just get more offers than I am naively aware of and one cannot expect him/her to have the time?