Uncouth PerspectivesNot on the rug, man.

I have been thinking a lot about the stories we tell ourselves.

The tumultuous economy has affected many.  For a while I thought I might be untouched, but things are looking a lot more shaky than they were.  This affects me in very interesting ways.  Most of the problem is not actually my personal situation, though it is scary.  Mostly, people are just a lot more grumpy and cynical.  It wears.

Where I have been most affected is my plan to finally finish my Master’s degree in Religious Studies.  I finally got myself ramped back up to get it finished and now with pay cuts and bleak times ahead, I just can’t justify taking on the loans I now need to take on to get it finished.  I’ve paid for my school as I’ve gone along and taking on debt is just not appealing right now.

A good friend told me that I didn’t need an advanced degree to be legitimate.  While I’m not trying to get my Master’s in Religious Studies to legitimize anything–I’m doing it because I want the knowledge and the experience–it got the meat juices flowing.  Unless there is specific knowledge you are trying to get, degrees are mostly part of myth–a right of passage myth.  By going through the steps and the process, you prove you can participate in the process of advancing in society.  Note that I am not saying the degree process is false or wrong, but there is a mythical element to it.  While our educations provide foundations, it is our experience and our ability to learn from that experience that generates the bulk of our knowledge.

How many people define themselves by the degrees they have?  Or, more to what I’ve been thinking about, how many people look down at themselves because they don’t have degree X.  Or aren’t doing Y and so failure is the only thing in sight.

We all have an idea of who we are and who we want to be.  There is going to be a natural difference between who we think we are and who we are (in sum of our experiences).  It’s often too easy to overlook a bad deed or a poorly worded retort.  Let’s face it, it can be awful hard to admit “Wow, I really screwed that up and was not very nice.”  Most of us seem to learn to apologize, but I’m too aware of how many people seem to not understand there is a difference between just saying the words and meaning them.

I’m curious what happens when we let these ideas of who are or who we want to be get to mythical proportions.  It seems like it would be too easy to swing into grossly arrogant or pitifully depressed.

I know this happens to me, for example, when I think about past relationships or where I think I should be right now in my life with romance.  I always assumed that I would get married (once) and have a rich and happy partnership.  I feel like I have a lot to offer.  People around me like to be supportive and tell me what a great husband/father/potato I would make–I want to scream at them to stop saying that, because it just makes me feel worse about it all.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and how to be a good partner through the failed relationships I’ve had a long the way–and that’s also not sailing they are all failures just because they ended… but I’ve definitely had some failures.  But a lesson I am coming to see is how I struggle with myself because of the dichotomy of how I see myself versus how I really am.

But it’s not just pining about relationships.  Romance is just an easy go-to.  I think this happens with all kinds of things:  education, careers, personal achievement goals, whatever.  It’s important to have something to strive for.. and it’s incredibly important to hope.  But it’s also important to remember what those things are and not get so caught up that we forget either who we are or what we are doing.  Sometimes it’s good to just be yourself.  Sometimes it’s good to just enjoy the journey.

Ah, but the truth is, it’s always good to dream.

Well, after all of this time, I finally have my first certification. Next semester I will have two more and my AA. I guess I’ve actually almost accomplished something–at least according to society.

Instead of writing more.. I’d like to pose the question: What are your thoughts on degrees?

Are they important?

How do they compare versus an actual education?

Should one be compared to one’s talents and abilities or should we simply work off things like degrees?

You see, I have been trying to get certified in Religious Studies. I’ve been working very hard to achieve this, only to discover that the school does not offer three of the classes required to get this certitification.

Upon discovering this, about three months ago, I tried to contact the dean of the department. Much to my dismay, not only was he never in his office, nor answer his phones, the division secretary treated me like I was the plague come walking in. I saw her twice a week. For 6 six weeks in a row. Everytime I saw her, she merely got more and more rude. At first I was told “Call him and make an appointment” (As if I could becaise he NEVER answered his phones or returned phone calls) and it soon became “He’s not here. You should know!” and then it became “He’s not here, go away!”.

Well, eventually I got a hold of him and got permission, PERMISSION, to do independant study to get the required classes. After much fighting, I’ve got one of the teachers to agree… but I’m still working on the other. (Again, apparently professors do not get compensated for independant studies..) However, noone seemed to know what paperwork I needed to fill out to make me happen. This, eventually, took me back to the dean’s office, where I had.. a show down. I was treated so rude I cannot even begin to express it.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because my institute of learning claims to be for the students and, essentially, student “owned”. Yet, as my consultancy project and personal experiences both proved, THIS IS NOT TRUE.

And I am going to become very vocal about this. Because of this project, I have been introduced to many people who are very high up and I plan to take their ears.

If you see things like this… do something about it. You do not need to be harrassing about it, but use your voice. And if you run a team or organization… know your goals and values and live them.

Don’t just say them.

I tend to forget how easily I can conflict with the learning systems at schools.

First, and formost in my mind, I always forget, no matter how short my break is, how much I despise the seating size. I am not a small fellow, being 6’5″ and 265lbs. I tend to kindly refer to myself as an Ogre and, as I sit in these tiny chairs, I think it must be almost comic to see people of my stature showing in great fashion the reason why I refer to myself as an Ogre.

It actually reminds me of when I took my SAT’s. Aside from the fact that I was very sick, it was also extremely uncomfortable. I took the SAT’s at UCI (University of California, Irvine) and… wow. I had to sit at a slight angle, because I did not quite fit in the chair. Also, I had to write at an angle, because the desktop did not fold down all of the way with the fact of me knee being in the way. So I was all contorted and twisted and just having a dreadful time.

Second, while this teacher is knowledgeable and when she is talking about the subject I am completely intent, she is driving me crazy. She tells us how she teaches many lower division english classes and college prep classes. And now she’s trying to tell me how to take notes. And what to write down.

I hate that. Nay, young lads and lasses, I despise that. Not because I don’t think that it needs to be taught, but more because I really don’t need to be taught it. Not only do I have my system well down (to think, this is only the begining of my sixth year going to a college… with nothing to show but a LOT of units… yaaaay!), but I also have a very unique learning system. And when she continually stops to go “Oh, and now let’s talk about taking notes again” it, at best, drives me crazy and, at worst, sends me off to another world where I stop listening to everything and focus on, say, the name for my upcoming radio show. Or the outline for my book. Or how god damned uncomfortable the bloody chair is.

I’m not saying that the school systems needs to be catered to me.. in fact, I don’t really know where my point is, but I do know this:

The learning institutions definitely make it hard for me to learn what I want to learn… and I can learn fairly easily and, for all my dissedents to rear, I AM a patient person… if it’s this much of a pain for me, what about everyone else as well?

Honestly, it’s all very simple when you are beyond forced grade school. You pay for school (oh, wait, that is just for people like me.. most people have other people pay for them), you actually GO, and then you leave? Why?

There are a lot of factors involved, I know. But I am disgusted by class after class, people leaving at break, or in the middle of class, or coming only a couple of classes–all who generally wonder why they are failing (or, even worse, gloating that they are passing). I have never understood, and never will, the people who go to leave. Stay and learn something–even if it’s boring. It’s being paid for afterall. As far as “required” classes go… somewhere there is an actual reason for it.

Schools and learning are highly disregarded in this culture. We scoff at teachers, toss aside homework, and cringe when it is time to leave. But, why? Why bother. If you want to learn–go. If you don’t, drop the class. Find another teacher. Do whatever it takes.

But don’t waste the time of those of us who care.

The discussion on the forum started on anti-intellectualism. Being smart is NOT respected in our society. Starting from public school, moving to social circles, and going into the work place. If you are advanced, if you are intelligent, you are an outcast and unwanted. You can even be seen as a danger.

I can say this with conviction, because I am an outspoken person of intelligence. I am proud of my accomplishments, when I have ideas I share them, and my interest is in seeing everyone succeed–yes, especially myself. And it has cost me a lot. It has cost me in past social circles. It has cost me everytime I moved.

I moved every year or two of my younger life. And everytime I did, I would have to start over at a new school. At the new school, I would be put in lower grade classes (even after an IQ test scored me at 145). And in addition to the normal difficulties in making friends, I had to go with it that I was also fairly intelligent and showed it. That is just damning.

In work places, I have advanced quickly… until a point. And once at a point where they realize just how intelligent and capable I am, I stop. They put a hold on me. Every block is thrown up. Because, instead of wanting an organization that is full of competentence, the people above me instead, motivated by fear, want stagnation and sheep.

In 1984, this line struck out to me last night while reading:

“One of these days, thought Winston with sudden deep conviction, Syme will be vaporized. He is too intelligent. He sees too clearly and speaks too plainly . . . There was something subtly wrong with Syme. There was something that he lacked: discretion, aloofness, a sort of saving stupidity. You could not say that he was unorthodox. He believed in the principles of Ingsoc, he venerated Big Brother, he rejoiced over victories, he hated heretics, nor merely with sincerity but with a sort of restless zeal, an up-to-dateness of information, which the oridinary Party member did not approach. Yet a faint air of disreputability always clung to him. He said things that would have been better unsaid, he had read too many books . . .”

I want you to think long and hard about what intelligence is. And I want you to think long and hard about what it means in our society.

Because intelligence is not just about having book knowledge–I know I don’t have that. Intelligence is not about using big words.

Rather, intelligence is about being able to live and be happy. It’s about knowledge of your own beliefs. It’s about understanding reality. It’s seeing that your happiness comes at neither a sacrifice to yourself or to others. Intelligence is about being able to LIVE.

And we, as a society, boldy reject this . . .

I’ve been asking myself that question a lot lately. Everywhere I look people are voicing their opinions nowadays. This is all fine and dandy. We should use our brains more often, but why can’t people have the decency to make sure they know what they’re talking about?

I have no problem saying “I don’t know.” I make a lot of educated guesses, but I try not to disguise them as truth. To be honest, there is a whole lot of stuff I don’t know. I have no idea how the human brain works. I know plant cells have something called an endoplasmic reticulum, but I have haven’t the foggiest about what it does. I could go on, but I’m sure my point is made. I don’t know a whole lot more than I do know.

Maybe some of you do know how the human brain works, and that’s just great. I’m sure there’s something I know that you do not, however. We all are well versed on some subjects and clueless about others, and we all sound smarter admitting that and saying, “I don’t know,” than we do being proven wrong.

Everyone says we live in an information age. Maybe people think they know more because of easy access to the Internet. Maybe people have always been this way, but now they’ve been given a much louder voice. Who know… certainly not me.

If you want to debate something, KNOW THE FACTS. If you want to express your opinions and want others to listen, listen to the opinions of others with the same open mind you want others to keep when listening to yours. Respect people’s beliefs and opinions, they’re entitled to them just as much as you are. Be prepared to walk away from a debate without there being a clear winner. If all parties held their ground without resorting to nastiness, then hopefully everyone learned something.

Then everyone wins.

I saw three teenage girls looking at the shirts that have sayings (“Can’t sleep, the clowns will eat me” “I’m no longer a danger to society” “I’m lost. Please take me home with you?” etc.). Here is the disturbing part. They had trouble reading them. Allow me to try to demonstrate:

“I’m… uh… no… uh… longer a… uhm… dang…er … uh… to… uh.. soci…ety…”
(pause while they think about it)
“Oh.. haha!”

So I decided to sit and watch people come up and read the shirts. And I saw this again and again. People having trouble reading one sentence. I see it when I wear similar shirts or when I have people read what I’ve written. There is a serious problem with illiteracy. And it is not like I’m looking for people to read novels. One sentence is too much?! What the hell has happened to “education” and to standards; people cannot read anymore.

It makes me sick. I love to read, personally, but I do not expect everyone to be like me. However, I do expect that everyone should have access to an education that allows them to read one sentence… and cognate it at the same time. It’s pretty disgusting and disturbing to see this and I am just done. We need to stop playing reality and start living reality. I do not want people looking down on me for being “young” or being without a “degree” and yet I can walk mental circles around them.

Go and read something, it might be good for your mind.

I’m reading this article in my school’s newspaper (Orange Coast College’s Coast Report) on safety and lighting concerns. The article tells that the school has received a lot of complaints about the lighting and, now, the campus is deciding to do something about it. They have a brilliant plan. They are going to conduct a study. Everyone look out!

My assumption about this sudden concern for the lighting (and safety) is the recent re-hashing of school killings and shootings (at least, one’s that we hear about). So, some kids get shot in San Diego and the lights get turned up at my school. Now we are using our heads! While we are at it, maybe we can even fill in some pot holes! The whole school might even be safe!

Okay, let’s get down to the point. The school has been doing remodeling and they neglected to re-do the night time lighting as part of the plan, not including, of course, the regular maintenance they have not been doing. Now everyone is in an uproar because “school’s aren’t safe.” People getting shot/killed/hurt/robbed/etc at school is not the problem. It is a symptom.

It’s not the school that is not safe, it’s the people that are not safe. The killings are a symptom of the lack of self worth that our society breeds. We do not allow people to love themselves, we abuse each other (whether physical, verbal, emotional, monetary, etc), there are very few healthy outlets and people to turn to (Don’t cry religion at me, they’ll just tell you that you are the problem and you need to find an external source to help you out)… and then we wonder why a 15 year old kid will shoot people. Because we bred him to do it. We allowed him to get picked on in school. We allowed him to be misparented and abused. We allowed him to not have healthy outlets for his aggression. And we allowed him to externalize his blame.

Of course, it was the music! No, it was the movies! No, it was the books! No, it was the media! No, it was this damn philosophy stuff!

…No, it was people.

The situation needs to be called it’s real name–a symptom. Not a problem. The music is not the problem. Lighting is not the problem. The systems that allows for an externalized system of self worth and accountability… one that says the person is important, BUT DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF. One that says you are born an evil person and there is nothing -you- can do about it, but if you go to someone else you can be freed.

It’s time we stop and live in the real world and focus on the real problems. And let’s not jump and react only when there are problems. Use reason and have the problems solved by not letting them become problems.

Fixing the broken lights would help, too.