Be sure to never use your turn signals to make a lane change, and make them often.

The more sporadic and imprecise your driving, the more people will respect you. SUV’s are tough to drive after all.

It is mandatory that you use your cell phone as much as possible. The more dangerous the driving situation, the more important it is you keep yourself distracted. (If you don’t have a cell phone why are you driving an SUV?)

The larger the SUV, the more you need to park in those good spaces marked “Compact Only.” Try and take up two or three if you can, you’re important.

I have hopefully done three things here. 1) Properly demonstrated the use of sarcasm. 2) Sent a message of distaste for SUV’s or their drivers. 3) Gotten somebody killed because a person reading this actually believed me…

I like SUV’s. I really do. For offroading. For what they are designed for. I am bothered by the fact that the SUV has become the trendy Mini-Van. And they keep getting bigger. Do we need a car the size of a small house? (Unless you plan on using it as a house, NO!).

I, however, do not like most of the drivers. I am going to touch only slightly on driving in general, and how it actually does involve communication (Communication is not a lie), how we need to work together, how we do need to be careful, and how we all need to have the ability to drive.
The average SUV driver I have witnessed bears none of the characteristics.

I went to the mall today. My friend was driving, and we parked his little Honda into a compact space. I could barely get my door open. Wanna guess why? All the other SUV’s (Expeditions and Explorers in this case) that were parked there. In this strip of 10 spaces, there were only 7 cars parked with no more room to park. 5 of these cars were SUV’s. I will say no more.

I have lost count of the numerous times the SUV nearest me (they are ALWAYS there…) swerves for no reason. Is it that hard to drive in a straight line? (I guess when you car is bigger than the lane, it might be a problem…). Or lane changes. I watch those drivers. They don’t even look. Or use their turn signal.

Do you know what the turn signal does? It’s a little flashy light that signifies you want to turn. Signifies… Hmm. Sounds like communication. That’s bad stuff. Or, wait, no, that is what human relations is!? Communication! This is a simple example of how people fail to communication, or even want to communicate, with each other. And failed understanding of the system presented.

Anyways, back to SUV’s. I like them. I do. But, please, learn to drive and perhaps even get a car that you need and not one that just looks appealing.